Archive for the 'Satire' Category

He’s Barack Obama

This is funny on so many levels.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

 

UPDATE: Seems not to work in IE for me, if that’s the case for you, just click here.

The Debt Star

Sweet.

debtstar

H/T: Glenn

Clinton Tried To Kill Santa

That evil, evil bastard!

Bob Hope Has It Figured Out

Alligators

It seems like there may be a serious alligator problem brewing down in Florida. Back in the 1970’s, their population was dwindling, so legislation was enacted to protect them. Now, several decades later, their population is booming. So much so, that it would almost seem competition for food sources is driving them to attack humans.

What can be done about this? Well, another issue at the front of the news cycle these days is the illegal alien issue. You notice I didn’t call them “immigrants”? Immigration is a legal process whereby people are legally admitted to our country. They’ve bypassed that and crossed the border illegally. They aren’t immigrants, they are criminals.

Anyway, so the Senate has voted to build a wall to keep some of them out. A rather short wall. At 370 feet, it’s a bit shy of covering the nearly 2000-mile border. But I have an alternate

Bush Fails To Prevent East Coast Blizzard…… Minorities Hit Hardest

Somehow I missed this when it first came out…


by Brian Williams NBC 02/12/06 


As President Bush and his staff cowered in the White House, the snow continued to pile up on the many poor and African American victims who could not afford to get out of town or to safety in Florida. Crucial supplies of blankets, hot cocoa, popcorn and dark rum – so essential to surviving the stress of any major snowstorm – lay in stores undelivered. 


“Where is the government? I need my sidewalk shoveled so I can get out to buy my damn lottery tickets!” said one D.C. resident from his living room. “Why are we wasting money in Iraq when we could be spending it here on me?” Progressive blogs blasted the President for his inaction.


“We find the timing terribly suspicious – just as the Domestic Spying hearings kick into high gear, what happens? A major northeast Blizzard. Why now?” wrote blogger FUAmericaNBush2. 


Hearings into the Blizzards’ effect on hearings are almost a certainty. Howard Dean has suggested he will call for an investigation once his new medications kick in and John Kerry took a break from the sporting activities of the glamorous super-rich in some exotic locale (random choice: Ice Sailing in Finland) to call for new legislation outlawing snowstorms. “The Republican Congress has dropped the ball once again. I have always been a staunch supporter of anti-snow legislation, except for certain locations where I ski. Snow has no business on our roads and the President and Congress knows that.” 


Calls for impeachment over “SnowGate” as some are calling it already are mounting as deeply as the snow itself, and what will be discovered underneath will prove to have a truly chilling effect on the Republicans, as the inevitable thaw proceeds. Or something like that.


More breaking news…… Al Sharpton wants an investigation as to why snow is ALWAYS white. 


Cheney has stock in Tru-Value Hardware. Do you have any idea how many SNOW SHOVELS they sold today to the unsuspecting consumer? 


I demand to know why FEMA has been so late in reacting to this storm. THEY KNEW IT WAS COMING! And yet they failed to have crews in place to fix the electricity as soon as it went off. It just shows that Bush and the Republicans just don’t care about the people in the N.E. The Senate needs to investigate this with administration people under oath. 


I’ll bet that the great junior senator from N.Y. has opened the doors of her home to all of the heatless poor of her neighborhood and is busy baking cookies for them while her husband applies body heat to the nearly frozen teen-aged girls.


 

I Think I Can Do This…

Without using the word Pope.


Oops.


Anyway, with the selection of the new, um, Pontiff, I decided I should pay a visit to my local Catholic franchise. I’m not Catholic, but confession is good for the soul, no?


Here’s how it went:


Me: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.


Priest: How long has it been since your last confession?


Me: All my life.


Priest: What?


Me: I’m not really Catholic. Actually, I’m Lutheran. You’ve heard of Martin Luther, right? We don’t really do the whole confession thing.


Priest: Then what are you doing in this confessional?


Me: Uh, can you keep it down, Padre? I’m trying to develop some film.

Lunchtime Dilemma

In my rush to get to work today, I completely forgot to bring anything to eat with me to the office. Of course, that didn’t occur to me until I was starving for some lunchime grub. Hmmm, no food to eat. A quick survey of my pockets revealed that I had neglected to bring any cash along, either. I didn’t even have enough change to get some Zingers (mmmm…Zingers) from the vending machine.


Looking through my desk for something edible didn’t produce any satisfying results, either. A few ketchup packets and some hot sauce from Taco Bell. Not exactly filling. So I decided maybe a large intake of dyhydrogen monoxide might somewhat dampen my hunger pains until