Monthly Archive for December, 2005

That May Cost Them Some Business

Check out the name of the place the van crashed into.


Safe Driving

Just So They Don’t Feel Left Out

There’s a special Merry Christmas for the ACLU over in the sidebar now, which I found over at Stop The ACLU.

I’ve Never Seen Drew Carrey Laugh So Hard

There’s wrong, there’s really wrong, then there’s Richard Simmons as a guest on “Whose Line Is It Anyway”.


What’s even funnier is that this aired on the ABC Family network.

At Least Now I Don’t Have To Spend Those Millions Of Dollars

I was the winning bidder for a particular item on eBay, however, the auction was ended because I was disqualified. Imagine that.

The fears of sleeping with a stranger have finally been alleviated for actress Carmen Electra, as the man, whose offer was one of the highest in an online bidding for a date with the sexy beauty, has been disqualified.


The former Baywatch star, who is married to rocker Dave Navarro, recently offered her fans to buy the chance to take her out, on the internet auction site eBay.com, but she now regrets being so crazy, as the huge amounts of cash that were bid for a date with her, left her highly concerned.


“They were bidding for a date with me on eBay, which was kind of weird, but the money went to charity, so I thought it would be a nice thing to do,” Contactmusic quoted her, as saying.


“It went up to some crazy number and I actually felt obligated to, like, sleep with the guy. But I didn’t, because they were disqualified,” she added.

Actually, I’m quite relieved. The mission of the starship Enterprise was to “boldy go where no man has gone before”. In hindsight, to boldly go where Dennis Rodman has been before was beginning to worry me.

Illegal? Only If You Don’t Know What You’re Talking About

So the big news lately is about the wiretapping the Bush administration has been doing in relation to international phone calls involving al Qaeda. Libs are sprouting up all over the place like dandelions saying the taps were “illegal”.


Now they can spout off all they want without knowing any facts to back up their statements if they want. In fact, that seems to be their greatest, and perhaps only, talent. Why let facts get in the way of a good smear campaign? But over at OpionJournal.com, they’ve actually looked into the legality of such wiretaps, and found that the President does have such authority.


The allegation of Presidential law-breaking rests solely on the fact that Mr. Bush authorized wiretaps without first getting the approval of the court established under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978. But no Administration then or since has ever conceded that that Act trumped a President’s power to make exceptions to FISA if national security required it. FISA established a process by which certain wiretaps in the context of the Cold War could be approved, not a limit on what wiretaps could ever be allowed.


The courts have been explicit on this point, most recently in In Re: Sealed Case, the 2002 opinion by the special panel of appellate judges established to hear FISA appeals. In its per curiam opinion, the court noted that in a previous FISA case (U.S. v. Truong), a federal “court, as did all the other courts to have decided the issue [our emphasis], held that the President did have inherent authority to conduct warrantless searches to obtain foreign intelligence information.” And further that “we take for granted that the President does have that authority and, assuming that is so, FISA could not encroach on the President’s constitutional power.”


Of course, the Democrats claim to be “looking out for the little guy” and protecting civil liberties. Of course, when Bill Clinton was using Echelon and Carnivore to monitor “everything from data transfers to cell phones to portable phones to baby monitors to ATMs” used by American citizens during the 90’s to conduct economic espionage against foreign businesses, the outrage was noticeably absent.


Here’s another excerpt from the Opinion Journal piece:


The mere Constitution aside, the evidence is also abundant that the Administration was scrupulous in limiting the FISA exceptions. They applied only to calls involving al Qaeda suspects or those with terrorist ties. Far from being “secret,” key Members of Congress were informed about them at least 12 times, President Bush said yesterday. The two district court judges who have presided over the FISA court since 9/11 also knew about them.


Inside the executive branch, the process allowing the wiretaps was routinely reviewed by Justice Department lawyers, by the Attorney General personally, and with the President himself reauthorizing the process every 45 days. In short, the implication that this is some LBJ-J. Edgar Hoover operation designed to skirt the law to spy on domestic political enemies is nothing less than a political smear.



As for power without responsibility, nobody beats Congress. Mr. Bush has publicly acknowledged and defended his decisions. But the Members of Congress who were informed about this all along are now either silent or claim they didn’t get the full story. This is why these columns have long opposed requiring the disclosure of classified operations to the Congressional Intelligence Committees. Congress wants to be aware of everything the executive branch does, but without being accountable for anything at all. If Democrats want to continue this game of intelligence and wiretap “gotcha,” the White House should release the names of every Congressman who received such a briefing.


I’m all in favor of that. I’d love to know how many of them going on talking heads shows now were fully cognizant of the events transpiring.


UPDATE: Via Drudge: It seems that not only was Clinton using the same tactics, but Jimmy Carter as well… Oh, the hypocrisy.


CLINTON ADMINISTRATION SECRET SEARCH ON AMERICANS — WITHOUT COURT ORDER

CARTER EXECUTIVE ORDER: ‘ELECTRONIC SURVEILLANCE’ WITHOUT COURT ORDER

Bill Clinton Signed Executive Order that allowed Attorney General to do searches without court approval

Clinton, February 9, 1995: “The Attorney General is authorized to approve physical searches, without a court order”

Jimmy Carter Signed Executive Order on May 23, 1979: “Attorney General is authorized to approve electronic surveillance to acquire foreign intelligence information without a court order.”

WASH POST, July 15, 1994: Extend not only to searches of the homes of U.S. citizens but also — in the delicate words of a Justice Department official — to “places where you wouldn’t find or would be unlikely to find information involving a U.S. citizen… would allow the government to use classified electronic surveillance techniques, such as infrared sensors to observe people inside their homes, without a court order.”

Deputy Attorney General Jamie S. Gorelick, the Clinton administration believes the president “has inherent authority to conduct warrantless searches for foreign intelligence purposes.”

Secret searches and wiretaps of Aldrich Ames’s office and home in June and October 1993, both without a federal warrant.

Well, At Least We Know Where Everyone Stands

Did you hear about House Bill 648 that was voted on last Friday? The bill was titled “Expressing the commitment of the House of Representatives to achieving victory in Iraq”. You’d think victory would be something everyone could agree on, right?


Well, think again. 108 members of the House voted against achieving victory. And here’s the shocking part. Everyone who voted against victory was a Democrat.


Ok, I lied, that’s not shocking at all. How’s that for “supporting the troops”?

Not Exactly The Christmas Spirit

People have many different ways to display their Christmas spririt this time of year, some more tasteful than others. Here’s a few that just don’t quite make the grade.


First, the guy who took a lighted reindeer and hung it from a tree. But he didn’t stop there. No, had already been done. He decided to add a well-placed string of red lights to enhance the effect.


Bloody


But that’s nothing compared to the guy in New York who thought that it would be a good idea to have a display in front of his place where Santa had brutally decapitated a bunch of dolls.


Bloody Santa


Isn’t that just lovely?


And lastly, the guy in Rhode Island who decided that he would start a new tradition, and use larger-than-life images of Paris Hilton to decorate his lawn.


Paris Hilton Display


I question his taste in women, but I guess it could have been worse. Then again, she did make it to the top of PETA’s worst-dressed list this year, maybe she’s not all that bad after all.


UPDATE: Apparently the head of the “Bloody Santa” has been, um…, headnapped by a group calling themselves “The 7th Avenue Boys for a Merry Christmas”. They claim they’re holding the head hostage until the owner writes “I am sorry for being a bad boy” 1,000 times.


UPDATE II: This just in, a rampaging mob of 40 men dressed up as Santa Claus, most of them intoxicated, ran amok Saturday through Auckland, New Zealand’s largest city, assaulting security guards, robbing businesses and urinating from highway overpasses.


Man, this stuff just keeps getting weirder and weirder…


UPDATE III: Then there’s the guy who put a Santa Claus in his front yard. Only, Santa’s hands and feet are bound, he’s sporting a blindfold, and hanging by a noose from a tree. How lovely…


Hanging Santa

More Christmas Lights

If you thought these lights were cool, check these out.


Man, that’s got to be a lot of work.

Nothing Says Christmas Quite Like…

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe Burt Reynolds singing Frosty The Snowman.

And Now, A Note From The HR Department

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director 

TO: All Employees 
 
DATE: 4th November 

RE: Christmas Party 
 
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take  place on  December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the  Grill  House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! 
 
We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…please feel  free  to  sing along. And don’t be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00pm. 
 
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however,  no gift  should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s  pockets. 

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will  make  a  special announcement at the Party. Merry Christmas to you and your  Family. 

Pauline 




 



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees 
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party 


 In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish  employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often  coincides with  Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. 
 


 However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party’. The same  policy  applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be  no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of  music
for your enjoyment. 


Happy now? 
 
Happy Holidays to you and your family, 
 
Pauline. 




FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director 
 
TO: All Employees 
DATE: 6th November 
 
RE: Holiday Party 
 Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous  requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign your name. 

I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a  table  that  reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I  supposed to  handle this? Somebody? 

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since  the Union  Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believes $10.00  is a little cheap. 
 
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. 
 
Pauline


 




FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director 
 
TO: All Employees 

Date: 7th November
 RE: Holiday Party 
 
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking  during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate  how  a 
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim  employees’  beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal  until the  end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take  home  in a 
little foil doggy bag. Will that work? 
 
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit  farthest from  the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to  the 
toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not  have to  sit with gay men; each will have their own table. 
 
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too. 
 
To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing  allowed. 

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be  available  for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We  suggest  those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There  will be  fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply  “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry! 
 
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline. 



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director 

TO: All F****** Employees 

DATE: 8 November 
RE: The ******** Holiday Party. 
 
Vegetarian pricks, I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to  keep this  party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit  quietly  at the table furthest from the “grill of death”, as you so quaintly  put it,  you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But  you know  tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I’ve  heard  them  scream. I’m hearing the scream right NOW!! 



 I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink, drive and die. 
 
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


FROM: John Bishop – Acting Human Resources Director 

DATE: 9th November 

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party 
 
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy  recovery, and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. 
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday  Party and  instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with  full pay.