Monthly Archive for September, 2005

How Not To Be A Criminal

With gas prices the way they are these days, it’s understandable that some people might want to acquire their supply in a less than legal manner, like siphoning from a gas station’s supply. However, if you’re going to do that, it is advisable that you don’t fall asleep during the process.

MUNCIE, Ind. Sep 29, 2005 ? A man was charged with theft after authorities said he fell asleep while siphoning gasoline into a 55-gallon tank.

The gas station manager called police after noticing the man’s white van Tuesday.

Officers found him asleep inside the van next to a 55-gallon tank and a battery-operated pump. A hose from the pump led to the gas station’s underground tank.

I guess he won’t have to worry about high gas prices any longer.

You Won’t Catch Me Sucking On A Fisherman’s Friend

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just not a big fan of candy.

Live Here, Play Ride ‘Em Cowgirl

From the ad copy for Herald Towers condos in New York: “Go ahead. Be as loud as you want.” They’re plugging the fact that they have thick walls and you can have a whole litter of rowdy kids, and the neighbors won’t care.

Well, maybe not exactly. The “be as loud as you want” selling point comes with this photo:


I guess they’re implying she’s a screamer. Or, judging from the photo, maybe he’s the screamer. But only on those nights when she gets to use her “special” toy on him.

How Aggies Board Up Their Windows




UPDATE: I emailed this to Boortz, and it’s on his Nuze page today. However, no mention of where he got it…

It’s All About The Timing

How is it that the only day of the year a boy will fall off the monkey bars and land on his face is the day before school pictures are to be taken?

Quantas Never Crashed

A JetBlue plane had a hydraulic failure last night and its landing gear got stuck in an awkward position. Here’s the full text of the AP story:

A JetBlue airliner with its front landing gear stuck sideways safely landed Wednesday, balancing on its back wheels as it slowed on the runway at Los Angeles International Airport.

What the article doesn’t mention is that they circled around for about three hours to burn fuel. You know, so in case they crashed, the explosion wouldn’t be so big. Another thing they didn’t mention is that JetBlue planes have satellite television. So the passengers were able to watch on TV what was happening to them. How unnerving nust that have been?

Fortunately, they landed safely. But if they hadn’t, they might have been able to watch themselves die on live TV.

And Now, A Limmerick

There once was a man of the cloth,
who drank an intoxicating broth.
He preached masturbation
To the whole congregation
And was washed down the aisle in a froth.

Feature Request

Since moving to a new city, I’ve been using Mapquest quite a bit to plot out how to get where I’m going, and it usually does a pretty good job. They even have an option to click on to “Avoid Highways” which has been really handy, since the geniuses here decided to shut down two major bridges that both cross the same river. Seems they both needed rennovating. At the same time.

Now, that is a very useful feature, but one more option would be nice. Something you could click on to “Avoid Areas Where I Might Get Shot” would be very nice. So, MapQuest guys, if you could go ahead and start working on that, I’d really appreciate it.

American Chopper

More and more, I’m liking the programming on the Discovery Channel. I’ve always watched that channel frequently, but the programming seems to be getting better and better. I’ve been watching Going Tribal and that is quite an eye-opener.

But mostly, I’ve been watching every episode of American Chopper I can get my hands on. It’s been on for a few years, but I never got around to watching it until recently. Now that I have, it’s very addicting. I love watching Paulie fabricate bikes, and watching Senior yelling at him.

But what I find most endearing is the commitment the Teutul family has to their country. This week, which begins the start of a series of new episodes, there was one where the guys are building two bikes to auction off. The money is going to two charities for soldiers who came back from Iraq disabled. They showed clips of the guys actually visiting Walter Reed and talking to and signing autographs for the soldiers there. Which stands in sharp contrast to the protesters who have been hanging out there as of late. And that’s on top of the many other projects they’ve been involved in supporting the troops.Those guys are just a class act all around.

It’s been a few years since I’ve owned a bike, and I’ve been considering buying a new one. I think when I finally do buy one, it will definitely be a bike from Orange County Choppers.

Check out their site, they have really cool bikes. And watch the show on Discover, and especially if you have Discovery HD Theater. Watching it in Hi Def is just that much better.

1, 2, Freddy’s Coming For You

So I was watching A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors the other night, and…what’s that? You want to know why I was watching it? It was in hi def, of course. And while I was watching it thinking how cheezy the whole series got, I started thinking. I loved the first one. I remember seeing it in the theater when I was fourteen, and it scared the crap out of me. Then they had to ruin it with four or five sequels where Freddy actually had dialog.

Then I thought to myself, yes, this is cheezy 80’s horror, but if you look at the list of actors who’ve been in a Freddy movie, you get people like this:

Johnny Depp
John Saxon
Patricia Arquette
Laurence Fishburne
Dick Cavett
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Yahpet Kotto
Tom Arnold
Alice Cooper

Well, I could probably do without Tom and Rosanne. And Zsa Zsa. But you take them off the list, and you’ve got yourself a pretty good cast. I don’t know what the movie would be about, but it probably wouldn’t suck.