Monthly Archive for May, 2005

Observations On New York XII

Today is the first day of Fleet Week! There are sailors EVERYWHERE. It’s getting difficult to thank everyone without taking ten minutes to walk a block.

And there’s lots of firepower docked right down the street from where I’m staying. Very impressive.

Observations On New York XI

New York has lots of rats. And pigeons, which are basically rats with wings. I haven’t personally seen any rats, but there are signs on the subways telling everyone to keep their garbage in sealed containers so the rats have nothing to eat, and die.

And I hear the ones in the sewers grow to be like ten times the size of normal rats.

Observations On New York X

How to spot a tourist:

1. They’re holding cameras and/or video cameras
2. They’re staring up in the air at the really tall buildings
3. They’re the ones going the wrong direction through the revolving doors
4. Some of them have funny accents.

Observations On New York IX

Got off the subway earlier this evening at the Canal Street station. Now, subway stations aren’t the cleanest places in town, and I expect that. But the SMELL in that station was enough to earn it a place on “Fear Factor”. They could just tape your mouth shut and take you down there.

The smell would likely make many people throw up, which, with their mouths taped shut, would be all the more entertaining.

Even the locals, who are accustomed to a city that frequently smells like stale urine, were holding their noses and making a hasty retreat for the exits.

Which reminds me, when the pepperoni pizza you ate for lunch tastes nearly as good going down the second time, you know you’ve had good pizza.

Observations On New York VIII

Restaurants here know the meaning of service. I have yet to have a water glass go below half-full (or half-empty, depending on your point of view).

And they take this credit card that my company forces us to use on business trips. You may have heard of it. Then again, maybe not. It’s called Diner’s Club. Outside of this city, it’s completely useless unless you go to a large chain-type restaurant like TGI Friday’s or some place like that.

Speaking of large chains, how is it that places like TGI Friday’s, Olive Garden, and Red Lobster can sustain business in Times Square? Surely the locals aren’t eating there. And what kind of loser comes to New York City and eats at an Olive Garden?

I just don’t get it.

Observations On New York VII

The only brand of bottled water I’ve seen here is called Poland Springs. No wonder it’s so damned expensive. It costs a lot of money to bring things over from Poland.

Observations On New York VI

Any problem on the road can be solved by everyone honking their horns.

Observations On New York V

There are a lot of Chinese people in Chinatown.

Observations On New York IV

I don’t understand how anybody here knows what’s happening in the city. There just isn’t enough advertising. Especially in Times Square.

Observations On New York III

Apparently, if you’re a Jewish diamond broker, 47th between 5th and 6th is THE place to set up shop.