Monthly Archive for April, 2005

In response to SondraK’s list of classes for men, I thought I would post some she might enjoy

1. 
   

   Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

   
   
2. 
   

   The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.

   
   
3. 
   

   Parties: Going Without New Outfits.

   
   
4. 
   

   Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.

   
   
5. 
   

   Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

   
   
6. 
   

   Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.

   
   
7. 
   

   Communication Skills I: Tears – The Last Resort, Not the First.

   
   
8. 
   

   Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.

   
   
9. 
   

   Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.

   
   
10. 
    

    Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.

    
    
11. 
    

    Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.

    
    
12. 
    

    Introduction to Parking.

    
    
13. 
    

    Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.

    
    
14. 
    

    Water retention: Fact or Fat.

    
    
15. 
    

    Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.

    
    
16. 
    

    Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.

    
    
17. 
    

    Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.

    
    
18. 
    

    Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.

    
    
19. 
    

    PMS: Your Problem… Not His.

    
    
20. 
    

    Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To.

    
    
21. 
    

    Sex: It’s For Married Couples Too.

    
    
22. 
    

    Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.

    
    
23. 
    

    Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.

    
    
24. 
    

    Oil and Fuel: Your Car Needs Both.

    
    
25. 
    

    Oil and Fuel: Your Car Needs Both. (In case it was missed the first time)

    
    
26. 
    

    Learning to Go in Public Restrooms.

    
    
27. 
    

    “Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?” – Why Men Lie.

    
    
28. 
    

    TV Remotes: For Men Only.

Actually, a flashlight won’t do you much good, either.

So here’s how this got started. There’s this civic club in Columbus (you know, where students sexually abuse retarded girls at school and then the school tries to cover it up?) called “Outside The Box” that comes up with goofy ideas.

Well, they were sitting around thinking of the upcoming Civil War re-enactment of the battle of Columbus, and came up with an idea. The re-enactors are extremely meticulous about their uniforms and accoutrements, right? Who else is so anal about such things? Star Trek fans. So why not have some of them join up with the Confederates to fight the Yankees?

Just wait, it gets worse.

So the president of OTB, Hugh Lessjo, organizes a meeting between the Confederates and the Star Trek guys, and of course, both sides show up fully decked out in their garb.

Then it got ugly.

First the Confederates said they wouldn’t associate with “Trekkies,” and the Star Trek fans said they preferred “Trekkers.” The Confederates all laughed, and “that right there got things off on the wrong foot,” Lessjo says.

Other missteps followed.

“One of the Trekkers said Starfleet’s prime directive wouldn’t let the crew introduce superior technology to a primitive culture,” Lessjo says. “Then a rebel yelled, ‘Don’t call us primitive, geek!’ And the Trekker said Starfleet wouldn’t defend a society based on slavery, either.”

That riled the Confederates, provoking one to shout: “Y’all just go fight for the Yankees then! You’re all living in a fantasy world anyway!”

“Yeah, like you’re not!” a Trekker retorted.

Both sides abruptly drew their weapons, and Lessjo ducked under a table as the firing commenced, he says. He did not crawl back out until the smoke cleared, and by then the Trekkers had withdrawn from the field.

“It turns out replica Civil War guns use real gunpowder, whereas ‘Star Trek’ phasers have only a battery-powered bulb that lights up,” says Lessjo. “You don’t go up against a guy with a firearm if all you’ve got is a flashlight.”

Truer words were never spoken.