Top 5 Movies So Far This Weekend

1. National Treasure
2. The Incredibles
3. Christmas with the Kranks
4. The Polar Express
5. The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

Hmmm… See anything missing from that list? Where is Alexander, the new epic from Oliver Stone? It’s in sixth place. With a price tag of about $215 million, it hasn’t quite made $6 million yet this weekend. I wonder why?

I’m guessing it’s got something to do with the whole gay thing. Stone is known for stretching the truth in his films based on history. Look at JFK, for instance, that thing was so full of historical distortions and flat-out lies, it was laughable. In this film, Stone portrays Alexander as a bi-sexual. And Stone is standing by the “accuracy“ of the film. Despite that there’s nothing in the historical record to indicate that he was into buggering young men. Greeks are even threatening to sue Stone and Warner Brothers over the bi-sexual representation of the arguably the greatest and most powerful Greek to ever walk this earth.

With Troy being such a huge success, one had to know know that copycats were soon to follow. I’ve seen the behind-the-scenes shows on HBO and elsewhere, and it really does look like they went to huge lengths to make this film. Colin Farrell underwent massive amounts of training, then trained everyone in the movie who was playing a soldier in Alexander’s army in order to try and artificially create the bond that develops between men in the military, just to make the film more realistic. Now that’s going the extra mile.

And I believe the movie would have been a huge success instead of a dismal failure, if once again Hollywood hadn’t tried to ram homosexuality down America’s collective throat. I see absolutely no reason to have scenes in the movie where Alexander is portrayed in that fashion. I can’t imagine how that furthers any plot line or character development.

However, you have to take into consideration the fact that movies take a long time to make, and I’ve read that Stone’s been working on this project for about thirteen years to get it to where it is today. I can imagine that on election day, when the results were coming in, Stone was watching with dismay. Not just because Kerry lost (although I’m sure that saddened him) but because the initiative to make marriage between a man and a woman was passing with sixty percent margins in some states. I’m guessing Stone saw the writing on the wall for his movie right about then.

But, to his discredit, even after all the pre-release negativism about his film, Stone didn’t alter his film. How hard would it be to cut out the obvious scenes, such as those where Alexander kisses other men, and not affect the tone and pacing of the film? That could easily have silenced critics, including the Greeks, and probably saved the film. But Stone opted to leave it as is, and it will flop, as is.

Now, having said all that, have I seen it? No, I have not. I am going to see it tomorrow, though. I am a huge history buff. And I have a free pass.

UPDATE: Saw it last night. Opening weekend for this movie, and there were only about twenty people in the theater. And many of those didn’t sit through the whole thing. Without getting into too much detail, it was boring, and overall, it sucked. Here’s a little excerpt from The Independent:

While the movie, for the most part, is not entertaining those who are paying money to see it, at least it is giving others a good laugh.

The New York Post labeled it “Alexander The Gay”, describing Farrell’s Alexander as being “Light in the sandals” and the film “like something out of Queer Eye for the Macedonia Guy”.

A three-hour movie about a man who conquered the known world, and only two battle scenes? Save your money, people.